Viral story about Grab driver shows the weight of cheating on a loved one

May 24, 2018 - 4:25 PM
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A disc jockey encountered a particular Grab driver who discovered that his wife was having an affair when she accidentally called him. What are the effects of cheating on the victim? (Art by Uela Badayos)

When a passenger shared a story of a Grab driver who found out that his wife was cheating on him, people admired the driver’s reaction and the way he handled the situation.

In a series of tweets, disc jockey Jobim Javier narrated that he encountered a Grab driver who accidentally got a call from his wife.

During the “butt dialed” call, the driver found out that his wife was having an affair with someone else from the conversation he heard on the other line.

This prompted the driver to end the call but not after his wife begged him to come home so they could talk.

When he hung up, he turned to Javier with tears on his face and said, “Alam niyo po, sir, mahirap talaga ‘pag matagal na kayong mag-asawa. Pero wala tayong magagawa. Siya ang pinili ko.”

Javier commented that the whole situation “broke his heart.”

People replied that they admired how the driver calmly dealt with the situation since he continued to service Javier despite learning about the affair.

Impacts of cheating on the victim

In the Philippines, there are lots of television shows and films that tackle infidelity such as “The Other Woman,” “The Mistress,” “The Legal Wife,” “Tubig at Langis” and others.

Unfortunately, it has an inestimable effect on the victim or the one who got cheated on.

Physical impact 

Even though cheating is an emotional issue, it may still affect the victim physically.

M. Rosie Shrout, a community health sciences instructor at the University of Nevada, Reno, said, “People who experienced more emotional and psychological distress after being cheated on engaged in more risky behaviors.”

“They were more likely to eat less or not eat at all, use alcohol or marijuana more often, have sex under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or over-exercise,” she continued.

“They were more likely to eat less or not eat at all…”

Shrout added that women are more likely to engage in behaviors that may affect their physical health compared to men since the former “typically place higher importance on the relationship as a source of self and identity.”

In a study conducted by Elsevier SciTech Connect, romantic betrayals are discovered to be physically painful.

The pain is felt in a “real way” since the brain “recruits some of the same neural mechanisms that respond to physical injury” upon the discovery of the betrayal.

Mental impact 

Shrout revealed that cheating of a loved one also poses a challenge for the victim’s mental health.

People who got cheated on are more likely to have depression, anxiety and distress. Their ability to trust people would be affected as well since their self-perception have been damaged.

Psychology professor Robert Muller believes that victims may also feel a mental condition that is similar to a post-stress traumatic disorder—the post-infidelity stress disorder.

He cited psychologist Barry Bass who said, “Like trauma victims, it is not unusual for betrayed spouses to replay in their minds previously assumed benign events.”

“Like trauma victims, it is not unusual for betrayed spouses to replay in their minds previously assumed benign events.”

Victims might replay the “painful realization of betrayal” in their heads and recall scenarios where they might look for signs of infidelity and analyze these repeatedly.

Emotional impact 

The most intense effects of cheating are felt emotionally, where the victim experiences feelings triggered by the betrayal.

Psychiatrist Scott Haltzman believes the victim may feel “shame, emptiness, possessiveness, annoyance and relief” other than the usual—depression, anger, panic and a sense of loss.

Others may also become suicidal if the depression is not handled well.

Haltzman said, “Discovering an affair causes you to evaluate yourself. People have a tendency to wind and rewind the movie reels of their lives, looking for blame; they will often feel as if they had messed up somewhere.”

Cheating has several impacts on the victim that may result in physical, mental and emotional problems which severely affects their overall well-being. (Pixabay stock photo)

He also explained the feeling of possessiveness on the victim’s side:

“Separations between partners can generate an increase in attraction, and imagining your partner in someone else’s arms can stir a longing to pull you closer together.”

Annoyance may also be felt by the victim since the latter had “higher standards” for his spouse before the affair happened.

“It’s a big lapse in judgment and behavior, and the mistake directly affects you. For good reason, you had higher expectations for your mate,” Haltzman said.

Relief, however, may be felt by those who have long since suspected their spouse of cheating. “You didn’t want an affair to happen, but now that it’s out in the open, you and your mate can start to confront it,” Haltzman explained.

What the law says about infidelity 

In the Philippines, higher sanctions are experienced by women who have committed infidelity rather than their male counterparts.

Article 333 of the Revised Penal Code defines adultery as an act “committed by any married woman who shall have sexual intercourse with a man not her husband and by the man who has carnal knowledge of her knowing her to be married, even if the marriage be subsequently declared void.”

If the man commits it, he is subjected to be charged with concubinage, which is defined by Article 334 as an instance where the husband keeps a mistress within his house or when he has sexual intercourse with a woman who is not his wife.

A woman may be charged with adultery if her husband is able to prove that she has committed sexual infidelity.

A man, however, may be charged with concubinage if his wife proves that he has committed infidelity under these circumstances, as recounted by Smart Parenting:

  1. The fact that the mistress is kept in the same home as the wife, or
  2. That it is committed under scandalous circumstances, or
  3. That he lives with her in any other place.

The law adds that a woman is sanctioned by “prison correctional in its medium and maximum periods” while a man is sanctioned by “prison correctional in its minimum and medium periods.” — Art by Uela Badayos