The recent monsoon rains that flooded various parts of Metro Manila and nearby towns also challenged many Filipino fathers to serve as role models to their kids in times of life-threatening calamities. Photo by Peter C. Marquez, InterAksyon.com.
To be provider is the traditional role of a father.
I suppose there is still some universality to this role expectation despite the experience of role reversals caused by economic demands or constraints. The concept of this role as provider has become a source of frustration to a significant number of families as more men find it difficult to play their role as economic providers. I guess we got stuck to this limited concept of being a “provider” up until two catastrophic events gave our fathers opportunities to be useful again. That is, to be men again.
Typhoon Ondoy and Habagat let our fathers shine and perhaps for our teenaged boys to experience a certain rite of passage from boyhood to manhood. These two calamities gave our men the opportunity to risk their own lives to save their families, even other people.
The heroic display of providing protection for families and communities was a shining moment for our men, both young and old. Here, the role of providing is not only limited to providing food and shelter. One other role of being a man, of being a father, is also to be able to provide for the protection of lives, at the risk of their own and it had to take a Typhoon Ondoy for this role to be highlighted, appreciated, even rediscovered, by the men themselves.
Habagat provided for another opportunity for our men to discover yet another dimension in their role as providers. To provide for security has been demanded of our men this time around. The experience of Ondoy let our communities to prepare for disasters by way of alert codes, and evacuation routes and centers, and therefore the role of protection was taken over by communities.
This time around, the need to secure property was what was demanded from men as security of property was not a major concern during Typhoon Ondoy. With news of rampant looting during Habagat, our men were left behind amidst rising waters, relying on the comfort of a second floor and, later on, a rooftop, praying, calculating their risks based on their Ondoy experience, that perhaps this time, their house will not be totally swallowed by the waters. To accomplish the role of providing for security of property, our men were again asked to risk their own lives.
I wonder what the next calamity will hold for Filipino males to be given the opportunity to shine again and be men, and be fathers to men. I also wonder why we sometimes need a tragedy to bring out the best in ourselves.
I hold no distinction between men and fathers. For me, to be man is to be father. The being and the role are not and cannot be separated from the other; otherwise, man is not complete. To be father to a family; to be father to a community; to be father to a nation, is all the same to me. To be a father is an expression of being a man.
Some other expressions of being a man, apart from those already mentioned above are: gentleness, simplicity, fidelity, modesty, creativity, but above all else, it is fidelity that makes being a man meaningful and fruitful.
Male friends narrated to me how, in the middle of Habagat’s threat of putting their children’s lives in danger, their young ones looked up to them for comfort and guidance. Comfort and guidance here means to be able to translate to our children how the unfolding events are to be interpreted and what they mean to the family and to the child.
Comfort and guidance also meant being with the children. Some taught their children how to calculate risks simply by estimating the rate at which the water rose and when it was realistic to evacuate. Some showed their children how to be calm as they went about securing their property amidst rising waters. These simple acts brought comfort to the children as their fathers became role models.
I hope that the next opportunity for fathers to rediscover and appreciate their valor as men will not be as life-threatening as Ondoy and Habagat. Simple acts of fidelity will do. Simple acts that make men become fathers—guiding and comforting young people as the latter transition into adulthood.
How about you? Tell me what you think.
Roderick Marfil, RGC, is a family therapist. He is available on Thursdays by appointment only at the Ilaw Center, Miriam College in Quezon City. For inquiries: (0939) 211-0403; (+632) 520-5400 loc. 1134
